Perinatal Mental Health
Nobody tells you that becoming a mother is also a kind of undoing. That you will lose yourself in ways that have nothing to do with sleep deprivation. That old wounds you thought were long settled will find their way to the surface. The love be enormous and the grief real at the same time. That you can be doing everything right and still feel like you are failing.
This is not a crisis. This is matrescence. The profound, disorienting and often invisible transformation that every woman moves through as she becomes a mother. It has a name. And it has a path through.
A groundbreaking therapy that works differently from anything you have tried before.
WHAT IS MATRESCENCE?
The transformation nobody warned you about
You were told pregnancy would be joyful. You were told you would feel complete. Nobody mentioned the disorientation.
Matrescence is a word coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and brought back into the mainstream by developmental psychologist Dr Aurelie Athan. It describes the profound process of becoming a mother - the physical, psychological, emotional and identity shift that every woman moves through, whether her baby is her first or her fourth. Just like adolescence, it is a development passage. It reshapes who you are. And just like adolescence, nobody really prepares you for it. The disorientation you feel is not weakness. It is transformation. And transformation, without support, can feel like falling apart.
A process, not a problem
Matrescence is not a disorder. It is a developmental passage. The struggle does not mean you are failing. It means you are in the middle of something real.
It reshapes everything
Your identity, your relationships, your sense of self, your relationship with your own childhood. Nothing is untouched. That is not a flaw in the process. That is the process.
It has a path through.
With the right support, matrescence becomes a gateway rather than a wall. A chance to understand yourself more deeply than you ever have before.
One of the gifts matrescence offers, if you let it
Most of us were never taught to mother ourselves. So we mother from fear, obligation and an invisible rulebook we never agreed to.
Matrescence does not just reshape your identity. It gives you access to it. The disorientation, the rage, the grief, the guilt are not signs that you are failing. They are parts of you, asking to be understood. When you learn to lead from your Self rather than react from your wounds, something shifts. You stop parenting from the part that needs to be perfect. You stop giving from the part that is running on empty. You begin making choices from a place of genuine clarity, values and compassion. This is what the passage of matrescence can open up, when it is met with curiosity rather than shame.
The perfectionist part
The part that believes if you control enough, prepare enough and give enough, nothing will go wrong. It exhausts you. And it was never yours to carry alone.
The reactive part
The part that snaps, withdraws or over-gives when something in your child triggers something much older in you. Not a failure of patience. A signal from the past.
The Self-led mother
Present, grounded and clear. Not because she has it all figured out, but because she has learned to lead from within rather than react from her wounds.
From Shabs
Motherhood brought me to therapy. Not in a dramatic way, but in the quiet, cumulative way that matrescence tends to work. Returning to work after having my son, I realised that the woman who went back was genuinely not the same one who had left. The identity I had built so carefully before motherhood no longer quite fit. Underneath it, I found old wounds I had never fully tended to, a perfectionism that had quietly been running my life, and a need for control that was damaging the relationships I cared about most. Therapy gave me a way to understand all of it with compassion rather than judgment. That understanding changed how I showed up as a mother, as a partner and eventually as a therapist. It is the same work I now do with the mothers who find their way here.
Shabnam Lee, Licensed Counsellor
WHAT WE WORK ON
Therapy for mothers navigating matrescence
Most mothers arrive carrying several things at once. These are the areas we work on most often.
Identity and the return to work
Who am I now, and how do I bring all of me back?
Mom guilt and self-worth
The feeling that nothing you do is ever quite enough
Perfectionism and control
The part that believes staying in control keeps everyone safe
Rage, resentment and numbness
Feelings that have no safe place to land
The relationship quietly suffering
Two people pulled in every direction except toward each other
Old wounds surfacing
Your own childhood, showing up in how you parent
WHERE THIS SITS IN THE WORK
Perinatal support for high achieving mothers
This work is available as part of individual therapy or as a dedicated focus within an intensive.
FOR MOTHERS
Therapy for Mothers
The full mothers page
INNER WORK
IFS for Mothers
Parts work and self-led motherhood
DEEP DIVE
Bali Retreat
Concentrated work away from everyday life
INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
Individual Intensives
Exploration and Deepening formats
Perinatal in my practice
The work draws on several approaches depending on what each mother brings.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Works with the parts driving perfectionism, guilt and reactivity. The foundation of self-led motherhood.
Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
For the relationship quietly suffering under the weight of it all. Direct, honest and focused on real change.
Brainspotting
For what talk therapy alone cannot reach. Old wounds and nervous system patterns held in the body
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
For clarity on what matters now. Especially useful for identity shifts and the return to work.
If you are curious about matrescence and motherhood
Three books worth reading. Three podcasts worth listening to.
Unburdening Motherhood
Dr Angele Close
Good Inside
Dr Becky Kennedy
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read
Philippa Perry
GOOD INSIDE
Good Inside with Dr. Becky
Dr Becky Kennedy
We Can Do Hard Thing
Overwhelm and Motherhood
Glennon Doyle
The Matrescence Podcast
Protocols for Excellent Parenting & Improving Relationships of All Kind
Amy Taylor-Kabbaz Listen
Common questions about
the approach
Is this only for new mothers?
No. Matrescence does not have an expiry date. Whether you are newly postpartum or five years into motherhood and still feeling like a stranger to yourself, this work is available to you.
I am high-functioning. Is this still for me?
Especially for you. High-achieving mothers are often the last to ask for support. The fact that you are holding it together on the outside does not mean the cost is not real.
Is this available online?
Yes. All sessions are available online, making them accessible to mothers in Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and across Southeast Asia and worldwide.
READY WHEN YOU ARE
You give everything to everyone. This is yours.
A free 15-minute conversation. No commitment, no pressure. Just enough time to feel if this feels right.